Some useful tips that you can use to help a friend with anxiety

Trying to help someone with acute anxiety can be a challenging task, especially if the person is overwhelmed by their anxiety and experience frequent panic attacks, and is gripped by overpowering anxious thoughts.

These anxious thoughts, in case of health anxiety, can lead to a person to believing that they are going to develop the disease; or in the case of social anxiety which can instill fear in a person that they are going to embarrass themselves in public or being judged or rejected by others.

However, if your friend has not yet figured out their anxiety then they might not be able to tell you as to what you can do to help them. It is here that the tips below can come in handy. Moreover, the same advice can apply to any of your loved ones facing a tough time. It can be your spouse, children, or any other family member. Feel free to share these tips with them and get their feedback as to what worked for them and what did not.

What’s more, some of the advice provided below can be also used as useful tips for helping someone who is battling depression. It is important to remember that there is a lot of overlap between anxiety and depression, and most if not all who experience one experience the other.

1. GATHER KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WHAT CAN HELP ANXIETY

If you already know what kind of anxiety your friend has then you can use the vast online anxiety help resources to educate yourself on that issue. Understanding what helps anxiety takes time, but you can achieve the requisite knowledge if you are willing to put in the time and effort. Take one step at a time and make sure to re-read any portion that you think you didn’t understand.

Here are a few things that you need to learn:

• How a predisposition to anxiety can turn into a disorder.
• How anxiety works.
• Links between triggers and anxiety thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
• How to reconstruct anxiety-based thinking.

Also, some anxiety strategies can be done with the assistance of an accountability partner:

• Any type of physical activity (preferably exercise).
• Attending a yoga class or doing meditation or breathing exercises together.
• Working through a list of things that someone has been putting off due to bouts of anxiety. Understandably, each person will have their list. It is recommended to start with mildly anxiety-provoking things and then work up slowly.

The best way to do this is to have a “POWER HOUR” every week where you set aside an hour once a week and deal with things that you have been avoiding since you were feeling anxious.

• Spot and balance anxiety-triggering thoughts. For example, carefully notice if you feel that there’s going to be bad news if you don’t get an instant reply to an email that you had sent.

 

2. HELP YOUR FRIEND TO BREAK FREE FROM AVOIDANCE BEHAVIOUR

The idea of working through an avoidance hierarchy has been mentioned above. This type of behavior is characteristic of what constitutes anxiety. When someone avoids something due to anxiety then over time their anxiety is bound to snowball.

Here are some common examples of such behavior that include avoiding:

• Starting a work that seems intimidating. This work can be anything from writing an essay to completing an annual review for work to buying a new toaster as the current one has broken.
• Making phone calls.
• Correcting and repairing mistakes.
• Asking a boss for time-off or any other kind of request.

Here you need to remind your friend that the more a person puts off something that they need to do due to the anxiety they are going to have intrusive thoughts about it.

Whatever your friend is avoiding, he/she might find it helpful to talk through the steps that they need to take to break free from their avoidance behavior. Your job would be to identify these steps or take the first step if possible.

3. TRY TO DESTIGMATIZE YOUR FRIEND’S EXPERIENCE OF ANXIETY

If your friend is experiencing anxiety then it is highly probable that he/she is embarrassed by their symptoms.

They might be afraid that their symptoms may show up when they are in a social situation or during a performance. Just as an example, they might worry that others might notice that their voice is shaking during a client meeting at their workplace. The trick here is not to reassure your friend that nothing of the kind is going to happen but to reassure them that they will be able to manage if anything like that happens.

For people who experience anxiety attacks the fear of having one can be debilitating. The person might fear a panic attack in certain situations like being in the middle seat in the movies or on an airplane. They might also be terrified of going through a panic attack out of the blue.

All such feelings may make your friend feel as if though he/she is going crazy. They might even begin to feel that their anxiety is a sign of their weakness and may even doubt whether there are any effective treatments for their anxiety.

Here, you must tell your friend that you don’t see their anxiety as a sign of their weakness or as a sign that they are incompetent in their work. Try to normalize any of your friend’s thoughts that you can relate with. There are many anxiety-based thoughts that even people without anxiety disorder experience like fear of being judged or that of being told no.

It’s also extremely common for someone with an anxiety disorder to think that they will do something outrageous or dangerous or something that is out of character. However, they don’t realize that many people have these thoughts as well. The only difference is that those who don’t have the disorder tend to write off these thoughts as weird and those with anxiety equate these thoughts with a real risk that they might act upon.

4. DON’T FALL INTO THE REASSURANCE SEEKING TRAP

If your friend is suffering from severe anxiety then it is very likely that he/she will look for constant reassurance. For example, if your friend has health anxiety then he/she may repeatedly ask, “Are you sure I don’t have Cancer? Should I go to a different doctor? Does my doctor know what he/she is doing?” If you’re in a relationship then your partner might repeatedly ask, “Are you sure you’re not going to leave me no matter what?”

It is here that you need to set some limits. You must remember that if your friend is experiencing such extreme levels of anxiety that he/she is forced to seek continuous reassurance then it’s best for him/her to consult a specialist.

The therapist, your friend, and you should come up with a game plan and work together. It is completely alright for you to attend some of the sessions with your friend as a support person if and when you’re invited.

Keep in mind that intense seeking of reassurance is part of how anxiety snowballs. By no means does it imply that your friend is crazy, needy, or a hopeless case. This issue can be addressed just as effectively as the other symptoms of anxiety. There’s no need to be ashamed. All one needs to do is to come up with a game plan that will disrupt the patterns.

5. ASSIST YOUR FRIEND/FAMILY/SPOUSE IN GETTING HELP

You have to accept this – No matter how smart you think you are or how much you love and care for a person or how much time and effort you’re willing to put in you just can’t cure your loved one’s anxiety yourself.

One of the best ways to help a person suffering from an anxiety disorder is to assist them in gaining access to a good therapist. If the person has not tried Cognitive Behaviour Therapy or CBT before then this would be the best time to start. CBT is a therapy with the most evidence behind it for treating anxiety.

If your friend is taking professional help then ask them what they are learning and working on. If you think that your friend feels that you’re being intrusive then try to be more sensitive about your way of questioning.

Keep your questions positive. Ask them whether they have learned any useful techniques as to how to manage their anxiety and what other methods are working well for them. If there’s something that’s not working for your friend then encourage him/her to speak directly and openly with their therapist as people with anxiety often hesitate to bring up certain topics to their therapist.

Getting help with an anxiety disorder is a huge step for someone who avoids things that make them feel anxious. Thus, it is crucial on your behalf to provide your friend with all the encouragement you’re able to give.

6. THIS IS HOW YOU CAN HELP SOMEONE HAVING AN ANXIETY ATTACK
   

An anxiety attack is nothing more than a false alarm of the fight/flight/freeze system. They usually peak in about 10 minutes and the person experiencing it might appear frozen and incoherent or may act scared and distraught. The person may even feel that he/she is having a heart attack or other emergency due to the intense physical symptoms.

The best way to help someone having a panic attack is to be with them and help them to concentrate on slow breathing. Pay attention to what they find calming and what they’re finding to be aggravating their condition. Usually, under such circumstances, the person’s thoughts are all over the place. So help them to bring their focus and thoughts to their breathing.

Please don’t forget to medically examine the person for any heart conditions that might be contributing to the anxiety attacks. You can also get a second opinion if necessary. The person may have some type of atrial fibrillation or arrhythmia that might interact with their anxiety symptoms.

However, this will not hold in most cases. But it is important to remember that when someone does have a medical condition along with an anxiety disorder the medical condition might very well be overlooked.

IN CONCLUSION…

There are countless ways for you to help your friend or loved ones who are suffering from anxiety and you don’t have to follow all the tips above. Just pick the ones that you find appealing and manageable. Always have a mindset to experiment. Remember that you won’t get it right all the time and that you’re doing the best you can.