Relationship OCD Is Very Much Real!! Here’s What You Should Know About It!!

If there is anything that can slowly eat away at your relationship then it has to be doubt and anxiety.

Have you ever gazed at your significant other and thought to yourself – “What if you are not the one for me?”

Yes, you probably have. And such fleeting thoughts of guessing about your relationship or even wavering levels of attraction to your partner are extremely ordinary experiences.

However, if you feel that your relationship is subsumed by such feelings of uncertainties and that they are frequent and pervasive then it is likely that you have relationship obsessive compulsive disorder or ROCD. And to understand how to cure relationship OCD you need to know as much as possible about this condition.

Let’s start with what it means….

What is relationship OCD or ROCD?

Relationship OCD or ROCD is a newly recognized type of OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder that is mainly concerned with doubts, fears, and anxieties about one’s relationship, especially of a romantic or intimate nature.

People with this affliction have frequent and intrusive thoughts and anxieties about whether their partner is right for them, whether their partner is attracted to them or the other way round, and lastly, intense doubt as to whether or not they should end their relationship with their significant other.

How to know it is OCD?

It is important to remember that everyone has intrusive thoughts but simply having them does not imply that you have OCD. For people who do have OCD, however, it is these thoughts that become debilitating and causes extreme levels of anxiety and discomfort.

No matter how hard you try to get rid of them they will not go away. In fact, the harder you try the worse it becomes. For those who suffer from this condition, there is a constant analysis of your partner and yourself. This seemingly never-ending quest to figure out whether or not you are right for one another is what makes healthy relationships fall apart.

It also needs to be noted that the so-called “flaws” that you obsess about incessantly are of an extremely minor nature and by no means should they affect your relationship.

Here are some everyday examples to help you understand:

• You cannot help but think to yourself that you could have found a better partner even though you are married to someone articulate, attractive, and funny.
• You think that your partner has thin hair. You pinpoint this supposed “flaw” and think to yourself that you could never be with such a person for the rest of your life. You might even start thinking that the time has come to find someone who has a full head of hair.
• You have been dating a person for quite some time and the question of marriage comes up quite a few times. Although your partner has a great personality and you are happy with him/her you always doubt whether or not you really love that person enough.

What are the signs of ROCD?

Before you ask yourself “do I have relationship OCD?” first ask yourself whether you indulge in repetitive and ritualistic behavior to get relief from your intrusive thoughts and anxiety. If your answer is “Yes” then it is highly probable that you have become part of the vicious cycle of ROCD which includes certain “compulsions”.

Following are some of the common compulsions in ROCD:

• Seeking reassurance –

  This is perhaps one of the most common indicators of ROCD. Here, the person looks for constant reassurance from a partner about their love.

• Looking for evidence –

  This means constantly seeking evidence for a partner being the perfect match, for attraction levels, etc. so that they can quantify their partner’s love to affirm their relationship.

• Comparisons –

  Always speaking to friends about their relationships and then comparing it to your relationship.

• Never-ending reflections –
  

  This involves thinking and questioning your partner’s qualities.

• Always looking for love –

  An endless and exhaustive quest for the perfect kind of love which keeps you from experiencing it in real life.

• Mental rituals –

  Literally spending hours contemplating your thoughts and feelings around your relationship.

• Setting up rules for your partner –
  

  When these rules are not respected and upheld, you think to yourself that the relationship is not worth it.

None of the above-mentioned behaviors are productive and they certainly do not ease relationship doubts. All these compulsions do is provide temporary relief from the anxiety which ultimately comes back only this time it is even worse.

What are the available treatment options for ROCD?

As most of you must have understood by now that obsessive compulsive disorder and relationships do not go hand in hand. As a matter of fact, the former plays a detrimental role in a healthy relationship.

But how can you tell the difference between being bad at relationships and suffering from ROCD?

Well, time can be a factor. If obsessive and intrusive thoughts take over your normal life and cause you significant distress throughout the day then you might be diagnosed with ROCD.

But the good news is that although ROCD is challenging to diagnose it can be treated.

The 3 most widely used techniques are as follows:

• Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

This type of therapy teaches people to identify, understand, and change negative behaviours and thought patterns. Patients get to know about problem-solving skills during therapy lessons which they are encouraged to practice on their own time so that they can build positive habits.

• Exposure with Response Prevention (ERP)

Exposure with Response Prevention therapy exposes patients to situations that are related to their negative thoughts and causes them anxiety. This treatment aims at preventing the patient from completing his/her compulsive behaviours and thoughts when triggered by these intrusive thoughts.

The situations that are faced with intensifies with time until the patient can overcome their most feared scenario and once they are able to stop responding to their intrusive thoughts with compulsive behaviours they experience relief from their symptoms.

• Mindfulness-Based Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy

This form of treatment teaches patients that everyone experiences intrusive thoughts. They are also taught that these thoughts have no power over them and that by responding to them through compulsive behaviours their thoughts and consequent fears and obsessions become strengthened.

Mindfulness-based CBT is an extremely effective treatment for ROCD especially when it is combined with ERP.

What about medication?

Medication does help in alleviating the symptoms of ROCD. However, it should be used along with and not as a replacement of ERP which is considered to be one the best form of treatment for OCD. Also, it is highly recommended that you consult a doctor before considering any type of medicinal options.

The main family of medicines that are used for the treatment of any type of OCD is called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors or SSRIs. They boost up your natural serotonin activity and are used for the treatment of major depressive disorders and severe anxiety conditions.

So, how to cure relationship OCD…

Well, that is a hard one to answer as most specialists recommend that therapy is the best way to go forward.

However, in severe cases, doctors might recommend taking the medication first to manage the symptoms so that they can then go ahead with treatments like ERP and Mindfulness-Based CBT.

Therefore, it would be safe to say that the most helpful treatment is usually a combination of both medication and therapy.

What happens when you recover?

Once you recover from ROCD you will be able to engage in the natural complexities of relationships. This means that you will become capable of taking on relationship challenges without feeling an immense amount of stress.

And although your associations may never go away forever, treatment will allow you to form healthy and happy relationships with others.

Hopefully, this article answers most of your questions regarding Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Finally, remember that just because you are having intrusive thoughts you are a bad person. These thoughts are nothing but misfiring in the brain and will never be a reflection of your true character.

So, don’t let these thoughts dominate your relationship. Seek professional help whenever you feel that the symptoms are becoming too much to bear.