What Not To Say To Someone Who Has Anxiety – And How To Rephrase What You’re Saying
To begin with, aren’t you tired of all the “anxiety attack what to do” lists on the internet? Well, if you are then you are going to find this article very interesting because here we are going to discuss things you should not say to someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder and has frequent anxiety attack.
You will alsoget to know alternate phrases that you can use instead. For example, instead of saying “calm down” or “it’s just a phase”, you can ask whether there is anything you can do to help them. You can also reassure them that you are available whenever they need anything. This helps the sufferer feel heard, valued, and supported.
So without further ado here are 5 things you should avoid saying to someone with anxiety:
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Avoid saying: “I know, I am anxious as well”
Yes, this can be considered to be true as anxiety is a universal biological phenomenon. Anxiety and fear are part of our lives as all neuroscientists from across the globe will agree. Both these emotions protect and motivate us.
But any specialist who actually understands what is anxiety disorder will say that it wrong to compare your normal and temporary anxieties to someone’s chronic disorder. This is because their worries are intrusive to the point where they find it difficult to perform daily life tasks.
Instead say this: “You look really anxious. I am here for you whenever you need me.” This is both a gentle and a direct offer of support.
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Avoid saying: “Just calm down”
Don’t you think this is a bit invalidating? You are telling a person to do something extremely hard to do at the moment. If they could keep calm they would have. When you are telling them to calm down you are just making the person feel more anxious and frustrated as he/she will think that something is wrong with him/her. This type of thinking might also lead to a person feeling guilty and sad.
Instead say this: “Let’s do something to distract ourselves. Want to go out for a cup of coffee?”
It is hard for an anxious person to just calm down. Try to bring them back to the present and prevent them from thinking about the future with as simple a task as going for a cup of coffee with him/her. This will help them.
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Avoid saying: “Get over it”
An anxiety disorder is also referred to as a “wimp disease”. This means that if someone was a little stronger he/she could get past it. However, a person with an anxiety disorder does not have control over their responses to fear thus rendering tough love of no value. Statements like “get over it” might make the patient feel worse and they might think to themselves “I don’t know why I can’t do it.” This can have a reverse effect and cause more anxiety.
Instead say this: “What’s bothering you the most? How can I help ease it?”
This gives validation to their experience and is a thoughtful way of helping them to open up about the things that are bothering them.
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Avoid saying: “Don’t worry, nothing bad is going to happen”
A specialist who knows what causes anxiety disorder will tell you that people suffering from such an affliction tend to fall into thought traps. They focus on the worst-case scenario and it can be hard to convince them that their worst fears will not come true. This is because you cannot guarantee it and the person feeling anxious will find it difficult to believe it anyway.
Say this instead: “Hey if something bad happens you will be able to get through it. And you have me by your side at all times.”
Providing them with such reassurance in a non-patronizing way will give them the confidence that even if something bad happens it’s not the end of the world.
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Avoid saying: “Don’t think too much about it”
This one very much falls under anxiety attack what to do 101. Let’s say that a person is anxious about speaking in public and they think “What if I go up there and forget what I am supposed to say?” So you say to that person, “Get that worry out of your mind right now and don’t even think about the speech”. But that is not helpful at all because it is harder to push away an anxious thought than to accept that you are thinking an anxious thought and just let it go by. The more you try not to think of something, the stronger the worry about it becomes.
Say this instead: “I know this makes you anxious but if you’re willing to talk about what you’re feeling or practice in front of me beforehand, I’m all ears.”
This helps the anxious person to acknowledge his/her worry and say, “Okay, so this is how I feel. This is my worry. I am going to accept it and I hope that I can let it go.”
By avoiding saying these things, you can better support someone you know who suffers from an anxiety disorder without offending them or making them feel worse.